To the Management:

I must report my suspicion of foul play. Six contestants in the Nick Lookalike event have gone missing this weekend. I do not believe your staff's "reassurances" that these lookalikes have merely eloped with female guests.

I believe someone is trying to rig the Nick Lookalike contest. As third runner up in last year's event, I fear for the sanctity of the competition results -- as well as my personal safety.

-- A Concerned Lookalike

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