To the Management:
I must report my suspicion of foul play. Six contestants in the Nick Lookalike event have gone missing this weekend. I do not believe your staff's "reassurances" that these lookalikes have merely eloped with female guests.
I believe someone is trying to rig the Nick Lookalike contest. As third runner up in last year's event, I fear for the sanctity of the competition results -- as well as my personal safety.
-- A Concerned Lookalike