Dear Uncle Edward,
Not that you care, but Papa is dead. Well, dying anyway. The casket has already arrived, though entre nous it was dearer than it ought to have been. No one listens to me.
You should not expect anything in Papa's will. You KNOW why. I am only writing to ensure you won't have the audacity to come to his funeral, as the family still cannot forgive you for your cruel theft of his beloved dog.