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With Sunshine my mind is clearer, but everyday is agony, remembering. Who would take this willingly?

And yet --- in a morbid, horrible way, it feels almost good to remember. I know I should pop a Joy but I keep not doing it.

Just have to not think about certain things. Discipline the mind.

How much can I tell Margaret? Obviously we can publish exactly none of this, but I can't bear not finding it all out.

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