I'm NOT a Downer! There's no excuse for THOSE people! I'd take Joy happily if only I could! Oh god, I wish I could, without puking my guts up. How could Joy work or years and then cruelly stop! I miss the butterflies and rainbows. Must think of the butterflies and rainbows, not the horrors that push into my head.

I miss Hamlyn Village. I strain my ears for the sound of Simon Says across the water. Growin up, I couldn't wait to get out and see the world. Now all I want is a cup of tea and to stop feeling.

Thursday (l think): Slept all day yesterday or maybe two days. The grey blurs into itself.

The flowers in the garden district mock me, bursting with colour in this place of misery. Why do they cast us out of the village? What's it to them if we can't take Joy? It should make them all the happier knowing they can!

Oh god oh god. I remember what we did.

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