Made it this far. The hardest part was going back to work without Joy, seeing how daft they all are, but pretending, pretending, pretending to be like them while I did my plans. Oh, yes, I'm a great pretender.
She was always so sure there was a Resistance plotting away. Why can't I find them? The celebrated Mr. Kite says there isn't any such thing. But she was so sure! Is he lying? Doesn't he trust me? I suppose there's no reason for him to do.
Will he help?
Does she miss me? She's always Stiff Upper Lip, but every now and then one detects a twinge of feeling behind the mask. She'd say, "Would you like some tea, love?" and I could swear she meant more. That's what I meant when I said it to her. She never alled anyone else "love." And sometimes her hand would linger for just a moment when I handed her the cup.
I miss her. I don't miss the rest of the lot. Certainly not that awful Arthur, always making googly eyes at me.
Mr. Kite says to lay low a bit longer.
If I turn off the pump, the water will build up. Then if there's an intruder I can just turn the power on.
And then we dove for a million fathoms.
But then I lost her in the darkness.
Nervous wreck. Two bobbies chased me coming back from the phone booth. Thank God I rigged the electricity. They made the most awful sound.
I wonder if they had sweethearts? Are some girls missing them right now the way...
Or is someone just popping an extra Joy and trying to forget why?
More dreams of V. Even after I woke, I stayed in bed with my eyes closed so I couldn't loose the feeling she was there with me. I could still go to a Mood Booth and pretend nothing happened.
But I won't. I won't do it. Not even if she meant the way she looked at me. She'd nevver stray from her appointed path, no matter how much she loved anyone.
I suppose she mustn't. She's not really English, is she? I wonder if she is really the daughter of a maharaja. She mustn't let anyone remember her skin is dark and her hair is dark and her eyes...
...mustn't think about that.
But she stands there like a statue, sometimes, and she seems like someone out of Bhagavad Gita, if you take away the jodhpurs and the riding suit and put her in robes of silk.
...mustn't think about that
Now is the time to Dare and Endure, says the Old Man.
Nauseated. Cooked bobby was bad enough, but now it's rotting bobby... I need a new shelter pronto. Must find out if K thinks it's safe to move. Time to leave another message.